Yeah, I realized something last night and this morning and that is that I really don't know how to be loved and be 100% comfortable with it. Instead I feel myself struggling not to pull back from it and pretend that things are ok so that no one will worry. I tend to be more private and prefer not to share my struggles with everyone and right now a lot of people know and that makes me feel weak, vulnerable, and needy.

But I am determined that I am going to learn to live loved and accept this and not feel bad for it. That's what friends and the church family is supposed to be for. It just feels really weird to me right now and somewhat uncomfortable, and instinctively I'm wanting to pull away and hide.