Wondering why I sometimes miss the hospital. It doesn't make sense. Except for the fact that when I was there I felt really loved by my friends. Of course when there I thought I still had a job to go back to...but even then I don't think that is it. I think I just missed having a place to be, without having to think beyond the minute or the day. I also wonder if perhaps I think that would bring back that friendship that I miss. I don't know but I do know that I do really seriously at times miss the hospital and think about going back, even though in reality I know that I don't need it....there is something about it that I miss. It makes no sense to me, especially since I know that it is not a solution to anything.

ETA: I know that this is not a long term solution, or even an option so I don't understand why I think such things.

I sent a message to my t-doc so that I wouldn't forget to mention it during my next appointment. It just doesn't make good sense to me. Why I should think about a place that I didn't totally like while I was there, and wouldn't ever want to go back at least not to that one. And yet I continue to think about the hospital and I'm not sure why, unless it is just the simplicity of being unplugged there from the internet, cell phone, problems of life, and judgements of others. I don't get it.

I guess sometimes I wish I had a way to just get away from it all, and not feel like I am being self-absorbed for trying to work on myself. But I would like to take me t-doc with me, because she is awesome and the hospital doctors were not good listeners. In fact that wasn't a great experience so why do I think of it with fondness. Why do I want to escape, and what do I hope to escape from? I can't escape from me and my faults, and really I'm not working so life isn't all that complicated right this minute although it is stressful.

I'm confused by my own tortured brain. Nothing makes good sense about this. Nothing.

ETA: Releasing it now, refusing to focus on it, my t-doc has said in the past that if I don't pickat it & it will pass. I'll just talk to her about it at the next appt.