Well the camp was wonderful, it always is. I felt like I was doing everything through a cloud though, as if I was going through the motions, but not fully there. I know that I did an excellent job at helping out this weekend because one lady lost her voice and I had to speak up and be her voice and cheer my team on. Everyone was proud of me for stepping up and out to the plate and thought that was awesome. I personally didn't feel like I did that much. At the same time I feel like a lot of people campers and volunteers alike stepped out to help me out a lot. It seemed like even the campers could tell I wasn't myself and they kept offering up affection, and other volunteers were reaching out to keep me from being alone.

I still feel so socially inadequate once the campers go to bed and I feel like I don't fit in with some of the other volunteers. But I know that everyone is glad that I showed up and that I continue to help out with the camp. I felt out of place a few times and was down a bit, but overall, especially considering me, I feel like I did well. I know others were concerned about me a few times, but nothing was said....I shared with some of them that I was having a hard time and some of them have also suffered from depression so they totally understand where I am at and they didn't have a problem with it. In spite of it they thought that I was still a wonderful addition to the team.

It was nice to get away and to somewhat get my mind off of the situation, however, because of the devotions and the lady reading from her personal journal the topic kept coming back up. But I was too busy to really think about anything too much.

But now I'm just tired and emotional....but I usually tend to be after the camp....usually I have so much fun and feel so useful that afterwards I feel really like my daily life is useless and I'm not making the difference that I should be making. But this time....it just wasn't nearly as much fun, I guess just because of my own dark cloud that I am doing things under.