I just left my first psychiatrist appointment. Not sure I'm going to like her. She's nice but tough. It wasn't a bad appointment, however she's tough. She accused me of not being honest about my symptoms, questioned why I wouldn't make eye contact with her, but mostly she said that my evaluation of myself was not lining up with what she was seeing. That I seemed to be tearing up a lot for someone who rated themselves a six on a scale of 1 to 10, and she felt like I was much less. She fussed at me for not being honest, and how I was going to have to be more honest with her before she could help me.
She asked about how long I've dealt with depression, and why. She asked about my family. Asked if I have ever been abused in any way....and then wanted to know why I seemed to be so agitated. She's asking all these questions that are next to impossible for me to answer and then wonders why I appear upset, when she's already accused me of not being honest. I'm not going to really enjoy seeing her, I see this already. She wants me back on the abilify at 2mg, and she left the cymbalta at 90 mg. And she wants another visit in 2 weeks to discuss the abilify. I want that like I want a hole in the head. She asked about suicidal thoughts.
She said that I had a hard time admitting to my symptoms....I asked her how was I supposed to admit them to her when I could barely admit them to myself. I told her I felt like I was improving, that there had been some improvement...she was like there should be the meds are working and then still acted as though I was belittling how badly I was doing....here I thought I was being honest. I came out of the appt feeling worse than when I went in. I didn't go in to hear how awful I was doing....I thought that I did that well enough on my own.
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