Missing my friend

I am seriously missing my friend today. Feeling moody anyway, and that doesn't help matters. I know that she has her rights and her reasons to not want to be friends anymore. But that doesn't make me miss her any less. No matter how screwed up my behavior can be at times that didn't change the fact that I love her and that she was an important part of my life. I know that we will continue to see one another as we go to church together and while I hope that the situation will resolve itself I have to remember that its resolution could simply be in no longer being friends. That will be hard to get used to but I will respect whatever decision that she comes to. It's just hard when you become so emotionally attached to others to turn around and have them no longer be a part of your life....especially when you are incredibly needy and fear rejection as I do. Because then if the rejection comes, you always struggle against feeling like you were to blame, whether there is any truth to that or not.

There is small comfort in thinking that even if we never clear this up here on earth that we would be friends in Heaven, since there all of our issues would be resolved, as they are based on our own imperfections and problems. I struggle with losing anyone and I always seem to take it hard, even when the relationship is toxic, but this one was not and that makes it ever so much harder. She was quick to encourage and offer a positive word, always pointing me back toward God. I know that no matter what she loves me, even if we can't resolve this that doesn't change things. She has went out of her way to be there a few times for me. I can understand that I am not the easiest person to deal with as I tend to be emotional and moody often. That's hard to understand for someone who doesn't deal with those problems normally. I understand that as well. I just need to learn how to let friends go, and quit holding on so terribly tight all the time.