Ok well, I just came back from my first appt. It was different, we covered some background information, as far as who I've seen before-what I liked and what I didn't, what worked and what didn't. What did depression look like to me? The social anxiety, worries, etc., She has said that she gets the impression that I worry about everything, and that worries are always in my mind somewhere. The depression is really bad right now, but that I seem to cope ok with it. The fact that I live at home, sparked a lot of attention and interest. We jumped around a lot. She ended the meeting with saying that we need to work on some coping skills for worries, thoughts(positive thinking), that I needed to break some habits and behaviors and replace with others, as well as some other issues, and that we would get into more detail as we go along. By the next appointment I think she is wanting to have some "therapy goals" that we are to work toward...that she comes up with based on this appt and then we discuss and fine tune together as far as a plan of treatment.
Now she doesn't do meds, but she did request my permission to contact my doctor and recommend some meds and stay in touch with her on the meds that I do get. She also said that I'm not on any meds to help control the worries or anything right now.
We touched on the self-sabotage thing and the lack of sleep, she also mentioned something that I hadn't really thought of that I thought you would both find interesting. That was the question of do I self-sabotage my relationships?? I hadn't exactly thought of it before like that, but I guess in a way I do. That got me to thinking.
She seems to be very bright and attentive. She's already mentioned how I never seem to stop scanning my environment, asked several questions about how social anxiety has affected my life and how my anxiety attacks seem to hit. We briefly discussed suicide, and how I'm not suicidal although have had the thoughts in the past....she also told me that she figured that I would not be one to tell if I was thinking like that, that I would just do it. She seems to have me pegged to a point....in a way that's reassuring.....in a way unsettling. She questioned my social life, we discussed my inability or uncomfortability to call friends at home and my concerns about being a bother or disrupting others lives. We discussed that I e-mail a lot, and that it was easier than talking for me. We discussed that I don't generally go out with friends and that when I do I'm not always comfortable. She said that I present myself as rather well put together. We also discussed that I am very private and hard to get to know, and how it took Nancy six months of living with me before she could see "behind the mask". The doctor liked that phrase. She also realizes that even though she told me that she was the one person who I would never have to worry about hurting her feelings, or making her mad....that I'm still going to be trying to make sure that I meet whatever expectations that I perceive that she has of me. She even told me that this would be a struggle for me, to grasp that idea and get comfortable with it. So I'm hopeful that things will work out well with her.
I have another appointment on March 11, that was the next opening that I could do to fit my time. But afterwards we should get to something more regular I think.
