Possible Change in Diagnosis

I don't believe that I have mentioned here yet that some of the recent therapists and psychiatrists and my peer helper have noticed some warning signs and traits of Borderline Personality Disorder.  The therapists and psychiatrists felt that it was almost definitive.

I don't know a lot about it right now.  But I am not getting overly worried about it until I see what the Full Psychological Evaluation reveals that I am going to take at UNCG.  There is a 4 to 6 week waiting period. 

However, I believe that the new therapist that I have found will be able to do DBT which is what they treat BPD with.  I am trying to educate myself on the new potential diagnosis, but not worrying about the outcome, just waiting to see what the test reveals.  The results will clarify things with me, and I will know how to deal with it.

I look at it this way, knowledge is power.

Therapist Search is Over

I have finally found a new therapist that I am optimistic about and we seem to connect pretty well.  I am looking forward to learning with her and through her on how to better deal with my issues.

Rose Bush

Do you see the rose bush in bloom?
The bright red petals speaking of life
The thorns speaking of challenges
That rose to me represents life

The red for the blood that runs through our veins
Without which no life would remain
Do you see the thorns on the rose?
Thorns like the troubles  through which we go

The Rose, so vibrant, so strong, and in bloom
Much as we are when on the wings of our dreams
No matter the troubles that pull at the seams
Our life is vibrant and in bloom

Do you see how like the rose which survives through the seasons
We also survive despite all the reasons
We are at times fragile like the velvety petals
And yet we still manage to weather

Do you see that like the rose has its thorns
That we are also sharp and prickly
Like the thorns on the rose
We hurt those that try to get close

Do you see how we manage to survive
Like the seed beneath the winters cold ground
Appearing dead to those around
And yet each spring the seed bursts forth into new life

Do you see how we renew our lives
As we come back from our troubles
We grow and blossom and burst forth like new
Can you see how that is true of me and you

Like the beautiful vibrant rose
Which blossoms as it grows
We also blossom and burst forth anew
And stronger because of what we go through

Embarking on the Journey

As I embark
On this life's journey through the dark
And dreary landscape of my mind
Never knowing what I'll find
Hold my hand, please hold my hand

I need that security
In all of life's uncertainty
Don't let go or let me fall
As I attempt to give this life my all
Hold my hand, please hold my hand
Hold my hand, please hold my hand

As I travel across this land
Trying to live a life that's not bland
Doing the best that I can
Trying not to lose the plan
Hold my hand, please hold my hand

My mind can be a scary place
As I try to find my way through this rat race
Trying to navigate life's pits
And knowing that I just quite don't fit
Hold my hand, please hold my hand

The landscape of my mind is ever changing
And I'm forever rearranging
My life's priorities
And realities
Trying to find what's really me
Checking all that I see
Hold my hand, please hold my hand

Don't ever let go
I need the security to know
That you have a hold of me
Even when I fail to see
Your presence is all around
Even when I feel I'm headed toward the ground
Hold my hand, please hold my hand
Hold my hand, please hold my hand

I know that you are always with me
And your truths are my reality
Help me not to doubt in me
But to trust in the things that I can't see
Becoming who you want me to be
Hold my hand, please hold my hand

I often get so weary
And at times very teary
As I struggle with my mind and the lies
Sometimes I even think I want to die
So Hold my hand, please hold my hand

Don't let go and let me fall
For when I have given it my all
I get exhausted and need to rest
Living within your love and tenderness
Hold my hand, please hold my hand

And help me find the strength to stand
And I will stand with you hand in hand
As I walk through this world
Learning how to navigate with you by my side
Hold my hand, please hold my hand

As I embark on your purpose for my life
Learning to live above the strife
Trusting in you to be enough
I learn to live within your love
Hold my hand, please hold my hand
Hold my hand, please hold my hand.
 

Leaves

As the tree drops its leaves
Blowing on the breeze
The babies flutter around
Making little sound
Once green and full of life
Now multicolored and letting go of life
The leaves look back on memories
Memories of times past when people would sit and rest
Resting from the days activities
The leaves would offer shade
And respite from heat
Protection from falling raindrops
And the leaves think back
And recall all the people tall and small
Those that cried beneath the tree
Those that laughed and were full of glee
The leaves have great memories
They have seen life and death
And every time people bereft
The leaves release their hold of life
And drop, dropping to the ground
Barely making any sound
Covering the forest floor
Knowing that life is no more
But also knowing they will fertilize the land
And be raked up by loving hands
Used to create great piles
Where children can jump and play all day
The colors vibrant and bright
Bringing the forest to light
All the many leaves
They enjoy the final part of their journey
Knowing that in the spring
The cycle begins all over again
The leaves come to rest
Knowing that they have fulfilled their purpose
May we only be like the leaves
And bring about the end of our journey with peace
And great memories
Of a life fulfilled
And fully lived
The leaves don't question their purpose or ponder why
They just live their lives as time passes by
Enjoying each new day
Knowing it as simply a stop among the way
No worries, no troubles
There is much to be learned from the leaves
How they reach to the sky
Stretching high, basking in the warmth of the sun
Yet turning as the wind and rains come
Yet still holding strong
And knowing their purpose
Should we only remain that strong
Knowing how to blow with the wind
Through the storms of this life
And let go of all the negativity and strife
Remaining true to our purpose
Those are the lessons we could learn from the leaves.

The Eight Dimensions of Wellness

I found this on the website http://www.promoteacceptance.samhsa.gov/10by10/default.aspx, and I wanted to share with everyone.

 

The Eight Dimensions of Wellness²

Wellness means overall well-being. It incorporates the mental, emotional, physical, occupational, intellectual, and spiritual aspects of a person's life. Each aspect of wellness can affect overall quality of life, so it is important to consider all aspects of health. This is especially important for people with mental and substance use disorders because wellness directly relates to the quality and longevity of your life.

Social - developing a sense of connection and a well-developed support system

Physical - recognizing the need for physical activity, diet, sleep, and nutrition while discouraging the use of tobacco, drugs, and excessive alcohol consumption

Emotional - developing skills and strategies to cope effectively with stress, challenges, and conflict

Spiritual - searching for meaning and purpose in human existence

Occupational - deriving personal satisfaction and enrichment from one's work

Intellectual - recognizing creative abilities and finding ways to expand knowledge and skills

Environmental - fostering good health by occupying pleasant, stimulating environments that support well-being

Financial - feeling satisfied with current and foreseeable future financial situation

²Swarbrick, M. (2006). A wellness approach. Psychiatric Rehabilitation Journal, 29,(4) 311- 314.

Free Things to do in Greensboro

Some free things to do in Greensboro include Fitness by the Fountain at Center City Park in Greensboro.

Center City Park Seasonal Events
May - October

New! A Series of Fortunate Events
Various Fridays/Saturdays
7-10pm
Free!

September 3 Artists Alive with Wesley Williams/Urban Dance Theater
September 9 House of Dues
September 17 benj-o-matic
September 23 Line Dance Party with Think Fit Foundation
September 30 Bryan "Songbear" Smith and Andrea Reese
October 8 TBA

Fitness by the Fountain
Mondays & Wednesdays
6-7pm
Free!

Just bring yourself, comfortable attire and a water bottle
(*a mat is needed where indicated)!
No prior experience is needed for any FBTF class.

September 12 Funk Aerobics w/Tina Yarborough-Liggins
September 14 T'ai Chi Ch'uan w/Eric Reiss
September 19 Masala Bhangra w/Cortney Wilson
September 21 Zumba w/Beth McKinney/YMCA
September 26 Belly Dancing w/Faun Finley
September 28 Boot Camp w/Sean Wells

October 3 *Yoga w/ Abby Feinstein
October 5 African Dance w/Wesley Williams

Join us for free movie nights in the Park! Every third Friday from May - September, there will be a different family-friendly movie. The screen is bigger this year, and the movie start time has been moved later so it will be dark. Bring family, friends, blankets or lawn chairs, and spare change to buy popcorn and candy!

Third Friday of the month
8:30pm
Free!

September 16 We Are Marshall

Center City Cinema is sponsored in part by Friends of Center City Park.

Friday Night Live
First Friday
7-10pm
Free!

In collaboration with First Friday,
Center City Park livens up the heart of downtown
with local music and local wines.

October 7
7 - 8:15pm The Family
8:45 - 10pm Twin City Buskers

Friday Night Live is sponsored in part by and

Tunes @ Noon
Wednesdays 12-1:30pm
Free!

Every Wednesday, Center City Park provides free live music during lunchtime. Bring your lunch, kick back and relax to some cool tunes with some of the Triad's best artists!

September 14 Lauren Light
September 21 Martha Bassett Band
September 28 Warren Bodle & Allen

October 5 Sam Frazier

Therapist Search Continues

Met the new therapist yesterday and had what I thought was a good appointment just for her to tell me that she was very practical and looked at the big picture and she didn't see how I could afford her, that I should either consider seeing the intern, which is cheaper, or look somewhere else for therapy where I could get therapy and medication management at the same time.

So the search for a new therapist continues.....I have found that UNCG offers full psychiatric evaluations, and they offer therapy and medication management on an income based level, but I am not sure exactly what that cost will be yet.

I've never had a psychiatric evaluation, but I figure that could help me better get the treatment that I require to get better.

Life and rejection

I may have mentioned that I am taking classes at the Mental Health Association in Greensboro.  Well I've met a lot of great people there.  And recently there was one that I really became rather close to.  I found out today that she doesn't want me to be her friend anymore.  No calls, No texts, no emails.  Needless to say I am feeling very rejected and hurt by this.

My peer support person says that its not my fault that I was never taught healthy boundaries.  But at the same time has said that with the emails and texts that I am overwhelming people and suffocating them.  She said that I have a root of rejection and at the core I feel unworthy and therefore that is why I am having problems keeping friends.

I don't know about all that.  I just know that I am feeling very hurt and vulnerable, and that I feel like my safe place is no longer as safe or comfortable as it was if I have to deal with facing rejection whenever I walk through the doors.

Knowing that through the other side of these things are growth and learning.  But hating that life has to hurt so very badly, and that the only way out is through.